Harry and the Hairy Leg Horror
by Moonfire
Summary: Harry gets chased by Snape's hairy leg while Snape is recovering from a spell gone wrong at Mungo's. Yes, I AM on crack;)


Harry and Snape's Hairy Leg Horror  
  
(Silliness and nonsense, plain and simple. Based on a nightmare I had when I was 4 years old about my dad's hairy leg chasing me around the workshop. You have been warned)  
  
It was the worst nightmare of Harry's life. He was being chased not by Voldemort this time, but a hairy leg. A leg with black hair all over it. At the moment, Harry was in the dungeons trying to hide behind a cauldron while the leg stood atop Snape's desk, turning right and left to search him out like a periscope. What was worse, Harry suspected it was Snape's hairy leg, because it had black hair all over it. It suddenly bounced off the desk and Harry ran.   
  
"DOINGA! DOINGA! DOINGA!"  
  
The leg bounced all over the room, heading straight for him. Harry screamed and ran through the door, the leg right behind. He pointed his wand, still running.   
  
"EXONORATE!"  
  
Nothing. It served to only enrage it. The leg paused, then continued bouncing through the tunnel as it chased Harry up the stairs toward the Great Hall. It's hair bristled with rage, only missing Snape's voice to make it complete. They passed the kitchen, where several house Elves saw the rampaging protoplasmic monster and threw an arsenal of freshly made pies at it, to no avail. Now it was just a bouncing, key lime encrusted hairy leg. Harry tried every spell known to stop an attacker.   
  
"EXPECTO PATRONUM! (fizzle) EXPELLIRAMAS! (fizzle) PETRIFICAS PETRICALAS!"(fizzle)  
  
Harry made it to the Great Hall, trying to hide under the Gryffindor table where Ron and Hermione kicked him with their feet before looking under to see who it was.   
  
"Hey, what's wrong with YOU, mate?" asked Ron, ducking his head under the table to see a cowering Harry. Hermione abandoned her usually intent reading of the Wizard Weekly to follow Ron.   
  
"Harry, what on earth are you doing under there?"  
  
Harry was shaking. "There's a....a...LEG after me! A HAIRY leg! And I think it's....S...Sn....SNAPES!"  
  
"WHAT???" They both chorused, breaking out into hysterical giggles.   
  
The leg had zeroed in on Harry's location under the table. It seemed to have Harry radar and pierce through every object known to man. You could even hear the "doot!doot!doot!" and see the ripples of it targeting him. Harry's eyes widened under the table and he darted over to the staff table, where he hoped Dumbledore would keep him safe. He was so desperate to hide he even ducked under Dumbledore's robes. The leg bounced on top of the table where Harry just was, mashing it's calloused foot into the peeled orange Hermione was just about to eat. Her and Ron's eyes widened at the sudden realization that Harry was not crackers and backed away in horror. "Ewwww!" Hermione said, whipping out her wand and trying all the spells Harry had just done, also to no avail. "Remind me to get a de-hairing spell." she said. The leg kicked each of them in the head before bouncing away toward the Staff table.   
  
Now everybody was in an uproar. Dumbledore stood up with a twitching smile on his face at the hilarity and absurdity of the situation. Nothing like this had ever happened before, and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it. It was a leg...that seemed harmless enough. But what if it was an agent of the Dark Lord? Perhaps it contained powers they didn't know of. This menace must be stopped! But how???  
  
"Dumbledore! Help me!" Harry simpered as he peeked out from beneath his robes. "It's Snape's leg! I know it!"  
  
Dumbledore's eyes lit up. Aha! So THAT was it!   
  
"Harry, not to worry. Snape is currently in Mungo's recovering from a spell that backfired most unfortunately. He'll be glad to see his missing limb re-attached." Without further ado, he cleared his throat and shouted, "ACIO LEG!"  
  
The leg froze in its tracks, where it had been about to pounce Harry from a running start on top of the Draco's now defiled blonde head at the Slytherin table. Harry watched in relief as it flew through the air, through the doors of the Great Hall to an unknown location. Everybody laughed and mumbled for a few seconds before going on with their business as usual. Harry crept out from under the staff table and back to his own.   
  
Meanwhile, at Mungo's, Snape lay simpering in his hospital room, staring at the ceiling and wondering what curses he could put on who to get his leg back. Suddenly, there was a "DOINGA! DOINGA! DOINGA!" and the leg hopped back onto Snape. The only problem was, it was backwards. Snape buried his head in his hands. "Why me?" he whimpered. 


End file.
